Soulmates&Swingers #Podcast with Naailah Auladin PT 2

0:07 It's the sex and lifestyle podcast that you didn't know you needed. This is the Swinging Soul Mates Podcast. With your host Mondo and sativa, Please relax, unwind and come play with us and our guest cohost as we candidly share our personal experiences and erotic escapades in the lifestyle. Motivated by passion and purpose, our goal is to create a community that allows themselves to be educated and entertained through the tales of the swimming zones. Mondo and Sativa are not medical professionals, yet we are a happily married couple of 19 years and in the LS for 10.

0:50 We have a deep, unwavering commitment to our marriage and to holding a space. In normalizing and redefining the concept of relationships and monogamy, The Swinging Soul Mates strives to be a resource and inspiration to others. So subscribe, put a reoccurring play date on your calendar, and come along with us as we journey deep into our lives as swing soul mates.

1:26 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hey. We watched something called Weird History and they were talking about how I guess medieval times or a long time ago really, Couples only had sex like twice a month. It was. Against the law for them to have it when the woman was on her menstrual cycle, you couldn't have it the week before or the week after. You couldn't do it on the Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday or. Sunday, yeah, the wedding night there were, it was like a peanut gallery that would actually walk the couple back to the room.

2:10 I think this was Celtic times or Victorian, Victorian era. That's what it was. And they would have. The in laws, the parents, the aunts, the uncles. Like watching them consummate. I don't mind because they needed to know if it was a virgin. Yeah, not acceptable. No, not at all. So many boundaries crossed right there. But do you think, in your professional opinion, that a lot of people's misinformation stems from some sort of? Tragedy or, you know, toxicity around sex. Yes and no. So I call this your sexual identity.

2:55 And I'm not talking about if you prefer to have sex with a gender or the other. Your sexual identity is an average of everybody you've had sex with in the past. All the information you've been fed, whether you've read, you've watched, you've been told about sexuality. And what your cultural background is, where you, where you're from, who you know, what you, what you know about this. So what is in your head currently? And if I take somebody from a different part of the world, a different age group, a different sexual experience is going to have different sexual identity and they don't know anything outside of it if they don't go and ask questions or or learn.

3:37 So it's very important because it's such a conversation that's not really open, it's taboo, it's put at the back burner because people believe that it's not, it's not something important, but it's as important as the other aspect of our health. Not more important, but as important. Our sexuality is controlling our hormones. It's controlling our moods. It's controlling. It's connected to our self worth. It's connected to our emotional intelligence. There's so many aspect of it that is interconnected with how we wake up, how happy we are, how good of a sleep we have, how we can even go and ask for a raise at work if we feel we deserve it.

4:19 It's all connected and people have a lot of misunderstanding because it's not talked about and it's it's taboo. People have this, this the professional that's out there are either for people that are having. Sexual, physical problem. They can't have an orgasm. They are having an infection. They had, you know, like that kind of thing. Or they are ejaculating too fast. And then the other aspect of it is relationship. But the but but that's it. There's no there's no one that's actually taking the regular stuff.

4:55 Okay, this is where you are. Let's look at where you want to be. Let's identify what how your sexual identity has been created. What do you like about it? How, why? Why is it that you feel that you like something and you don't like another thing? Is it because somebody told you about it or did you experience it? Is it from your culture? So there's so much that we can learn about ourselves and expand and grow. Once we decide that sexuality is important, it's an important first, as you said. As I said earlier, it's all inwards, right?

5:27 It's like you need to know your own body. You need to know your own desires. You need to know what turns you on. You need to know what relationship you want to create with yourself. 1st and then you can go and share that with one multiple part, one to multiple partners depending on what you want. But how can you even do that if you don't know your own body, your own sexual psychology? Yeah, and and I think that the narrative for women, you don't vocalize your sexual needs, your wants. You know you you just kind of go with the flow like it's been inducted in us that we're, it's for reproduction.

6:09 So I think that the overall message that sometimes comes, you know, from society is just be there to take the sperm, have the babies be there, you know to make sure that your husband is really to some stress. But don't talk, don't talk about what you like. Oh, you know. Don't talk about the fact that there is self love and that most women, especially when they get to the point of like, I need, I need to be satisfied. It's okay for me to be sexual. It's okay for me to be satisfied. They practice in a lot of self love, you know, and there becomes the stigma surrounding that.

6:51 It's it's, I want to say so much stigma surrounded about women's sexuality.

6:58 And that definitely is what we've been taught. You know and the forefront and just in the, in the in the shadows, you know that's that's always kind of hanging there. Do Yes. Yeah. Do you find that or did you find that self discovery within yourself when you were on that journey and that part of the process? Yes, yes, for sure. There's there's two polarities in everything that's extreme, right? So you have on one side, you have the women that are just quiet and they are when there's no balance. The things goes on to extremes.

7:32 So we have the women that are just quiet, they will talk about it. They just do what they are told and they have shame and guilt around self pleasure or they don't even do it. And then on the other side you have women that are being they are pushing themselves away from the masculine and they are saying that they don't need a man. They gonna. So they go on complete the other side and they're both unbalanced and they have a whole array of toys that they are using, which is wonderful. You can like you can use your toys, but if you decide that you don't need a man anymore and that's not your sexual preference and you're just doing this because you feel that all masculine out there are there to get you or they're not going to be able to kiss you or anything in that realm.

8:19 It's an extreme version. Of the taboo. It's a it's a mirror reflection of that. So really our role is to go and educate and and support so that both of these women feel safe to be like, OK, I can be in the presence of an accident. I can tell him what I want. I can tell him that I want to be able to have my own self pleasure and self love time and have those beautiful conversation. And it's all about communication and relationship management. But with the current state of a lot of how it's being taught, but it's being projected in the media and the gap is increasing and my role is to bridge that gap.

9:02 I was just gonna ask that. I love that you said that. Where do you think the divisiveness and the narrative of this divisiveness between men, women have masculine? Where do you think the? Le May or who do you? What do you think the main culprit is? I know you just mentioned median thing, but what what do you think that stems from? Because there is a just increasingly widening gap between, you know, the conversation that actually needs to be had between both sexes or even between the polarity that I think both sexes feel.

9:39 What do you think that that comes from? Because it's just like you said, it's increasing. It's something that I think has become much more prevalent probably in the last five years or so. To actually so expound on that question, do you think it started around the time of like the me Too movement? Do you think that that correlate correlates at all? I think it started before that. That was just something that made it worse. I feel that there's never 1 culprit to it, everything to any one thing. There's multiple culprits, there's multiple facets.

10:14 Of course the the pendulum was really much on one side when it comes to sexuality and people being able to express themselves fully in that way. You guys just mentioned about the medieval times and that's just one version of it. And there's so many different aspects from different parts of the world about restrictive sex. So as we progress, as we are fairly new in terms of human development when you look at the whole of of the world like the, you know, so we are still figuring this thing out. And within the realm of sexuality we've already crossed so many extremes.

10:53 So we went from one side, and then there was the the sexual revolution. And a lot of people, when there's a revolution, it goes into extreme. That was the revolution for people looking for their rights in the LGBTQ movement. And there was. The female movement and things tend to get on one extreme. And the speculum tend to go on one side, a little bit of an extreme. OK, it was like medieval time. You're not allowed to have sex on Tuesday. Now let's go to the other extreme where everybody needs to identify and label themselves in a certain way because they've been denied that and then it's gonna come back in the middle and settle.

11:31 So I feel that my role is and your like your podcast for example fits into that role as well. Is we are not anymore into the sexual revolution that already happened, that already took place. So what happens after revolution is a renaissance. So we are resetting the norms and the parameters and the guidelines of what it is to be a sexual being. And if I meet you on the street and I say, hey, what's your name? I just want you to give me your name. I don't need you to tell me that I am. A female that is this and that is not this.

12:06 And you know, just like I want to know you, yes. But because it's been so to 1 extreme before, now it's going slowly back to that other extreme and then it's going to settle. And that's with everything. It's just how the universe works. So there's no one culprit to it. There's a whole bunch of them and. There's a lot of fear. A lot of fear because there's a lack of education you have. I just have this happened basically minutes before I joined the podcast. I got invited to my really close friend's birthday in in the last few weeks and she created a female Negro pen.

12:47 Ladies I know we all went through a lot last year. Let's get together. Just lovely, my birthday. And she'd like just 10 girls because she just went for a breakup. And for the next little while, the masculine is the enemy. But. Her going through a bad relationship doesn't mean all men. Are. Yeah. Yeah. And this is such a theme. It's not. I don't appreciate that. I don't either. I was wondering so you're in a difficult than us in terms of media and.

13:24 Gender identification or pronouns and everything is that really prominent in the media where they're pushing or not pushing. But there's a lot of talk about people wanting to be able to choose their own pronoun or just making a big deal. Someone uses the wrong pronoun. Sorry, what's your question about it? I I think. It's the question. So are you saying the as prevalent as the the focus on? Being able to choose, you know your what you identify as. We see it on the news. Yeah, we see it on YouTube here.

14:00 And is it the same down there? Well, where I am currently is a little bubble in the world. It's full of expat. I don't typically meet a lot of people that are very much into pronounced we. It's actually the opposite. We have really, really honest, open conversation about how ridiculous it is. Not to offend anybody. Yes. Just the reality. I want to meet you. I want to know you as a human being. I don't care what pronoun you are like if I want to identify as being beautiful, I don't expect you to say hi.

14:33 You know what I mean? Ridiculous. Yeah. And yeah, it's it's something that I think it's it's going to be there for a little bit and then it's going to phase out people. It's a lot. I I was talking. So I had a client. He hired me. Because he wanted to have better communication with his 15 year old daughter and that was one of the things that he said when they started communicating more. And so she has friends in her class that identifies they or different aspects and then he has to respect that and when he he misses it, she gets very upset.

15:10 So then they have conversation and then they've come up with a solution for that now. So their solution is that if this person, this person is not in front of me currently, I'm going to see. Her or he. And if they are there, they came to a middle ground and he's like, you know what, I don't actually agree with this, but for the sanity of how my daughter is raised and who's around her school, I don't want to go have a fight with my 15 year old daughter about over that. It's gonna face out. It's gonna face out.

15:40 But. What an amazing shout out to him first of all, one for wanting to communicate with his daughter and having a better relationship and taking the steps to do that, but then also. Being able to come to that solution that is gonna do a lot for her and their relationship, that's so powerful. I love to hear that. It is. She actually came to him. So when they started working when he started working with me. She had stopped coming every two weeks to stay at his place and we we have been doing that since she was a little kid and he has another son from a different marriage.

16:17 So the two kids come together, they are brothers and sisters, that's been their thing. And then when she got a certain age, now she has her boyfriend. She has friends in her a different life with her mom, so she doesn't want to come. So the way that he started implementing how I told him to talk to her and then all of a sudden she was back. They were having boundary setting. They were talking about what was important to them. They had the list of how they want to communicate. And she's back in his life and she told him about the fact that she thinks she's bisexual and it was really important for him that she was able to come to him and share this information.

16:54 Also, she shared the same thing with her mom that she's so close to, and the mom kind of dismissed her and said, you know what? You're too young to know this. Like, not so good to a bad thing. I was going to say that that's exactly what I was guessing. That's exactly what I was guessing is that she probably was, other than just being a teenage girl, pushing him away because she was afraid of what he would think or how he would react based on what she was doing in her life and the choices that she was making.

17:23 At that time. So her mom probably being a little bit more of a best friend type of situation, maybe didn't delve into that as much. So that was that was a safe place. But when it came to something that, you know, her mom probably expressed some disdain for, some some time and conversation or something. You know, she needed to have a parent that she felt like she could, you know, trust in and that she could share that with. And so him taking that step came at such the right time, and that is that is they give me chills because that is so important and imperative as a parent to understand that we're still learning.

18:07 Like this is just another time in our life. This is another life lesson for us as a parent. Like, it's completely different because you're learning how to balance who you are as a person and who you know, what you do and your desires as a adult with. Helping to, you know, raise another adult and it's it's a fine balance to learn and to find that right formula and that's really good parenting when you are accountable as a parent to know that you don't know and to take the steps to do that. Because I think too many think, well, just because I'm an adult, end of life experience what I think is right.

18:53 And that's not always true because we are still human and we're we still make mistakes. And just back to something that you said, you know we are technology and society and and things are evolving much faster than what we're evolving or how we're evolving as humans. So we're having to adapt to that. So like you said, it's opinion. Swing in One Direction and I love that you say that too because it's it's always the extreme of something and that's what we're living in right now. But it's also very interesting to me that there's a difference within our culture here within the States and then and where you are.

19:43 As far as the push, I mean it's on our applications and things now you know, what do you identify us? You know it's it's on social media. That's part of what you can put on your Instagram profile. So it's just It is. Yes. Yeah, I see it. It hurts me. Biologically, I am a woman. Biologically, you are a man and you are a woman. You know what I mean? Biology and chemic. This is who we are. I can identify as anything. I can identify some furniture. It doesn't matter.

20:20 Yeah, that's Hubby always says he's like, there's science. It's science behind it. Like this is proven. These are not just things that somebody's making up, you know, to make someone's life harder. But I I know what he was, how he was. He was touching upon it earlier. You know, if you misidentify somebody, instead of them being patient and understanding that the other part of society still has to they, they have to. They have to get used to it. We're all as human beings as as long as we've all been around, we've been taught that's he and she and that's how you've been, you know, taught to speak like we just, it's just you.

21:07 So you can't ask somebody at a drop of a hat to go ahead and change what they, you know, what they've been taught and what they've been doing their entire life, at least without a grace period. And that's where I see the problem is like people want it to happen immediately instead of understanding that some people may be doing it maliciously. But there's going to be people that are doing malicious things all the time in life, all the time, no matter what. They may not like your blue shoes, so they decide to be an asshole to you like it's anything.

21:38 So it's it. There needs to be a little grace given, you know. Sure, they need to be grace given, but also a lot of these people, they come back and they change after. I'm not identified as this. So how many times am I gonna have to readjust what you? You know what I mean? Yeah, it gets. When does it get? When does that line cross? And it gets ridiculous. Yeah.

22:09 Thank you for joining us on Soul Mates and Swingers. We hope that you enjoyed yourself just as much as we did. Please don't miss our next play date, It just wouldn't be the same without you. Until next time, be passionate. Be in. The moment. Be bold. Be loving. Be the best version of you love at night. Hey, this is Mondo. Thanks for joining us this week. We want soul mates and swingers. If you have any questions or any topics that you want us to cover, you can reach us at 12IN NSATIV [email protected] and also on Twitter AT12IN NSATIVA.

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