Soulmates&Swingers #Podcast with Demi Wylde PT 1

0:07 It's the sex and lifestyle podcast that you didn't know you needed. This is the Swinging Soul Mates Podcast with your host, Mondo and sativa. Please relax, unwind and come play with us and our guest cohost as we candidly share our personal experiences and erotic escapades in the lifestyle Motivated by passion and purpose. Our goal is to create a community that allows themselves to be educated and entertained through the tales of the swimming zones. Mondo and Sativa are not medical professionals, yet we are a happily married couple of 19 years and in the LS for 10.

0:51 We have a deep, unwavering commitment to our marriage and to holding a space in normalizing and redefining the concept of relationships and monogamy. The Swinging Soul Mates strives to be a resource and inspiration to others. So subscribe, put a reoccurring play date on your calendar, and come along with us as we journey deep into our lives as swinging soul mates.

1:33 Hello everyone, you know who this is? Your girl ladies Tiva AKA Your Couples Fantasy AKA Darling Nikki AKA Sugar Walls. A KA. Don't deny it. You know you want it. And my king, my love, my truth. Lord Mondo. Hello, baby. How's everybody doing?

2:05 You are the 1:00, so I hope everyone has been having a beautiful. It's spring now. I well, Mother Nature's kind of like I'm going to show you a little bit when I feel like it. So we've been having the craziest weather, but we are officially in spring. I hope everybody's having their Spring Awakening. I hope everybody's staying wet, moist, alert, hard, deep into something good. Loving yourself, loving each other. You know, just this. All the good stuff. And you guys know who you're with. This is Soul Mates and Swingers.

2:47 We have another another great episode for you today. We have a very special guest cohost. This this individual is an author, a Blogger, also a podcast host. And you know, I love my fellow content creators. And a host of podcast hookup horror stores. Horror stories. I can speak, I promise. Blame my my saucepan good old Strawberry Cough sativa. So he is the CEO of Wild Heart Media as well. He's a sex writer. I did say an author and an educator. Based out of good old La La Land, LA for those of you that don't know now, his blogs, The Deviant Diaries, Diaries, Oh my gosh, I Can Speak and A Deviant Guide to Sex are available at dimitriwild.com.

3:57 You'll find that in the show notes his poetry, which I love. I can't wait to to get further into that bitter blue pill. And all was nothing. And The Time of Champions are both available from everything that rules us. Good old Amazon Demi is also an HIV woman's reproductive rights and human trafficking awareness advocate. So let's let's get this all this a good picture, an author, a Blogger, a podcast host, a business owner. Clearly an advocate. I mean, just a Jack of all trades. Please, everyone, welcome to the pond, Demi Wilde.

4:43 Thank you So. Much for having me first time to be here. We are so very happy to have you. So you got everything, by the way You got it all. You know, try to try to between hitting my vape pen, vape pen here and drink a little this IPA. I will have to say, we were just discussing before we went on the beautiful weather and I hope everyone while you're listening to this, you're enjoying something that elevates and that you know, just makes the quality of your existence that much better. So for me, it is a sauce bar, which is a cannabis.

5:27 You guys also know that I'm a cannabis entrepreneur. A cannabis vape pen. It's fantastic. I won't shut them out too much on this podcast doesn't really go with what they do. But also, I'm drinking a really nice IPA, so this is how I'm spending this beautiful Saturday. Well, I'm a huge I see, so I I can appreciate the the sauce. Nice, nice, I was going to say. I see. I see you grabbing a little little vape pen here and there as well. No something, see. So no something. So tell me about your weekend thus far.

6:11 How's it? Going my weekend. So basically I haven't really done a whole lot this weekend so far. This is actually the first major thing I'm doing. But later on tonight I'm actually have an event at the Tom of Finland Foundation. You're not aware of what the Tom of Finland Foundation is, It's actually. Maybe a lot of gay people might know this, but it's actually a very popular, back in the 70s and 80s, a very popular erotic art thing. So basically they're kind of known for, like their hyper masculine looks and they're kind of like, you know, very erotic art, you know, for gay people.

6:52 But I have a bit later on tonight and I'll be doing that. That sounds very nice. We. Are supposed to be going to a news resort that we belong to. They're having a black and white ball, which is interesting because most people don't usually wear a lot of clothes. We're supposed to be doing that this evening, you know, Different, different, different ends of the scale there, but all focused on good sexual Wellness, you know, adults being adults and not judgmental in a safe environment. A safe and inclusive environment.

7:31 So I do love that. I do want to say that the one time that I was lucky enough, a friend of mine from high school who I totally had a crush on and he's like, I don't know how you didn't know that I was gay. I don't know. I don't know how you did on that. And I was like, I probably was just trying to fool myself because I had the biggest crush on him. But so Facebook reconnected us and I. Very good friends that live down in that rain. I said, hey, I'm coming down. He says, oh, I'm going to take you all throughout Weho.

8:04 And I'm like, what the hell is that? I never heard of West Hollywood referred to as Weho before. Yeah, it was. It was vibe okay. I realized that I would have to shake off all of the Sacramento off of me to just vibe in that area. It's a movie down there. Like you have to be ready. But I remember going to the Abbey and. Always a good time. A very good time, very good time. But I've never wanted to fight so many men in my life because they were so, so bitchy. So look at me and my girls up and down.

8:44 But I will say I got a drink spot for me endlessly. I got to look at some beautiful people and I came home and I told my husband, OK. When we moved down there, that's where we're living. And he's like, oh, OK, once again, you have fun and I'll see you on the weekends. And then we had kids at the time and he goes and you can take the boys. What?

9:10 Now you just have to take one. I'll keep the other one. You keep the. Smelly one. I honestly don't spend a whole lot of time in West Hollywood. It's it is a vibe. I'm not sure if it's exactly my vibe all the time. I'm more of a downtown kind of guy. I like precinct. More like leather bars, kind of like dive bars, that kind of thing. W Hollywood's very bougie I. Would say that's yes, yes. I think it's the I feel so old when I say this but I think it's the generation that's making it that way. But I will say that I I need to come down there and go on a Vanderpump Rules like.

9:55 Little tour. Oh, they're closed. I know like so all the well tomtoms, all the jump offs of that, you know all of them. They lost their liquor license, so they're not sure if they're going to reopen. Shut. Up. Yeah, they It's a huge scandal going on right now. They're not sure if they're going to reopen it or not. Apparently they lost liquor license for selling alcohol to miners. Oh well, she could see help me right now. He's shaking his head like sounds right. Yeah, but that just, that just goes to shit like the whole culture in West Hollywood.

10:26 Like I was thinking the bars in West Hollywood when I was like 19 years old. So I it's very much that kind of vibe too. Yeah. You have you seen Police Academy, I think? Two or no? What is that? That's a movie from the 80s, but you mentioned leather bars and there's this one scene where they trick guys to thinking that there's a big party. And they end up sending them to a leather bar in LA. But these are like crew cut police officer type dudes where they were just like they walked in. It was hilarious there.

11:06 You don't belong here. Yeah, something that you wouldn't see in Movies Now because you know, it'd be someone would be too sensitive about it, but it was all there. The shit was funny because it was true. Like if you put. A bunch of macho men, or at least macho, presenting men into a situation like that. Unexpected, like one of two things is going to happen. But yeah, I do. I do recall that. But I was going to say next time I'm down to Lai may be calling you to be like, let's go hang out because.

11:38 Well, you. You. You. Definitely have your finger on the pulse, like what I would want to do and being down town area, yeah, so. I I didn't bring you on or you didn't come on to talk about Weho and and LA and all that, but I just had to. I just had to talk about that. So I do like to ask our guest cohost if you noticed in the beginning I had an AKA or a few of them and I and I always have guest cohost go. You're putting me on the spot. But it's part of the fun. What would your AKA be? It would be the sexual deviant.

12:19 I kind of So I've heard this term quite a bit over the over the years and I I I know that technically a derogatory term used primarily back in the day, like when they would use basically they would institutionalize gay people for homosexuality because it was treated as some sort of like mental illness. But also, like, it was also lumped into, like, you know, pedophilia, all kinds of other weird stuff. So it was a very derogatory term. But mostly I wanted to kind of reclaim that that thing, because we're all kind of have these deviant tendencies.

12:57 You know, sex is a kind of a universal experience, but we all kind of had like either a fetish or a kink or some sort of like thing that we're into that might not be exactly. The norm, you know or. Society defined taboo when it's not really, it's part of human nature and and sexuality. So yeah, I love that you're saying that and kind of take the power away from, you know, the the negative narrative. Exactly. I've also reclaimed the word queer. So, like, I was called queer horrendously. I was bullied terribly in elementary school and middle school, so I was called queer a lot.

13:37 But now I'm like, I hate also saying LGBTQ, blah, blah, blah. There's like the alphabet mafia kind of thing. Yeah, because I feel like there's so many like underlying kind of categories that you belong in. That's I just use the word clear now because we're all kind of like under the same umbrella, if you will. So I I really appreciate taking words back and like kind of re reevaluating what those things mean. Yeah, and. Prior to the plus, you know, etcetera, wasn't queer kind of the, I don't want to say the umbrella term, but it kind of was for everybody that fit under that no, no matter what spectrum you were on, that's kind of what you were able to identify it by.

14:25 So I'm interested, when do you think that word took on? I don't want to say a negative connotation, but one where everybody's like no, no, no, no, no, we can't be lumped under that. It has to be. Etcetera, etcetera. Well, all queer really means is just different. I mean it's, you know, obviously the lexicon changes quite a bit, and especially nowadays it changes very rapidly. But queer always was even back in like, you know, the 17th century. We're getting into like etymology now, like 17th century, 18th century, 19th century, all that stuff.

14:59 Queer just meant different, you know. Oh, they seem to be acting queer, which just mean there's acting strange. So and then it wasn't until maybe like, you know, 19, I could be wrong about this. But 1930s, nineteen 50s, around that time when we're kind of became derogatory for homosexuals and it became, you know, slaying and it became kind of like this kind of like just a negative thing in like the 80s, I'd say. But I think at this point we're kind of like we're over all that. And I am now just kind of reclaiming that.

15:33 That's kind of like thing because you know we're all a little bit, we're all a little bit different. Right, right. If If not, then we wouldn't be who we are. Like we're not a monolith. We're not all exactly the same as human beings other than what's biologically, you know, set up about us. We all have the same hearts and kidneys and things like that. I think it to further your point about the time period. Where it changed and became derogatory was around the time of like Kinsey when he did his studies.

16:07 And I think he actually started using the term and define, you know, what was this deviant behavior. And from what I know, I love human psychology. I love it all. I wanted to go to school forever. I would have definitely become a psychologist. But now I'm like Doctor Phil. I'm just like a pop one. I'm just. Yeah, that that was my first major in college, actually, with psychology, yeah. OK, Yeah. So it's. It's interesting to me that around that time, this one individual, because we didn't know any better, he touted himself as an expert, which he was, you know, a medical doctor, and he understood.

16:42 But he also had a lot of shit going on with himself that he was trying to either prove or debunked or feel comfortable with. And I now, and probably even 20-30 years ago, we had the truth because we knew what? You know what motivated him to then write this book that everybody said, well, this is what we're going to base sexuality on. Instead of going well, let's really look at the man, let's let's take a little bit of what he says as as a gospel. But then let's go ahead and maybe look into a deeper and I will say that in the past 10-15 years.

17:27 I will give it to society. I will give it to probably the younger generations and I think in our generation for being more, a little more free, less judgmental and wanting the answers, like instead of just being told the answers, wanting them and then looking into them and then defining them ourselves. So your AKA and and and your mission falls right along the line with that, you know, kind of like I said, changing the narrative and making it different or? You know, millennials now, although I think they take a little far.

18:01 They, you know, they want. They want. Yeah, right. We'll be here for a while. No. So. So tell us a little bit more about your journey into just really being an advocate for sexual Wellness and and educating, You know, my. My cannabis mission, my company is, is a brand, is to educate, eradicate and elevate. And I feel that anybody that's in the realm of cannabis or sex right now, that's our mission and that's what is going to change things and change the conversation is first education. That's important.

18:47 So tell us a little bit about your journey into what where you are today. Well, I think it. It started very young. I I think I just always had like this kind of sense of shame or like the sense of like, I'm not sure what's going on with me kind of thing where I just didn't know where to place this, this feeling I had. I knew I was different at that point in my life. I didn't know, you know, I know what sexuality was. I didn't know what it was. I just knew I was different. And so when? It would come around time to like, you know, in elementary school or middle school and we would have sex education.

19:25 It was very kind of like like like bone thin. There was like really nothing to the education that came with other than just wear a condom, you know? Yeah. Very cookie cutter, very plain. They spent more time on hygiene and making sure you washed under your arms and all that than they actually did on important things, which we really needed to know at that time, yeah. And there's so many other facets to it too, so. I think my interest in it kind of started at that point because I knew at that point I'm like, okay, there's something more to this, you know?

19:56 But then that kind of, because I didn't get quite the education that I should have at that age, it kind of led me into a lot of, like, really weird situations later on down the line. You know, when it came to navigating relationships or navigating sex or even just like, putting myself in like, weird situations that I really wouldn't otherwise. Yeah, because you didn't didn't know. And I'm assuming that you be able to go to your parents or to, you know, in your in your household and ask these questions.

20:28 I mean I think a lot of us grew up in a time that it was. I'll tell you what you need to know. You don't need to know that you know that's not what it is. It will happen. Yeah. You know, kind of thing. And so it wasn't open to sit at the dinner table and say, So what is, what am I feeling? So yeah, you do end up in in those kind of crazy situations and you do learn from them. But you think about how would that have changed if I was empowered with the correct knowledge prior, prior going into those situations.

21:04 Yeah, so you've changed. You've changed it though. You've used it to be able to fashion the life and the understanding that you felt like you deserved and that your purpose for where others, they don't use those experiences and they don't use it as a way to empower themselves. And that's it's a great thing. And that's why it's important for us to have a platform like this within, you know, sexual Wellness, sexual education. So you took your experiences and when do you think? I know you said your interest began.

21:42 You know, junior high school, high school time, maybe in elementary. When did you decide this is something that I want to do? You know, as as more than a career, like and more than a hobby. Was it once you went to college or? So I think it kind of began, I think I was maybe 19 and this is like maybe the Myspace days is kind of showing my age a little bit here I was right in there. I know, but I would. I would always make these. I was blogging before I even knew what what blogging was. So I would, I would write those.

22:17 What were they called them on the walls or whatever the fuck they were. They were essentially blogging on Myspace. But I would write about relationships and I would write about things I was seeing or like things I was experiencing at the time. So I was blogging before I even knew I was blogging. And. I think I kind of put off writing for a long time because you know, you get to be an adult, you get to like you know, go go straight to work and you know you don't really think about what it is that you are wanting to do with life.

22:49 So kind of shelve things for a little while. But it wasn't until maybe like 2016 when I went through a really bad. I was also in a relationship before that too. So that also leads into what I'm going to talk about here, but I I went into. I I left this relationship like feeling like, what the fuck went wrong? And I think it was at that point when I knew that I needed to learn more about this just from a personal perspective. And it wasn't until, like, I decided to go back to school. I went to, I went to college communications, to personal communications.

23:29 And then from there, I also jumped into journalism, which I. Fell in love with I had no idea that you actually make a career being a journalist. So I was like, wow, OK, But I already had all those skills too, so it just really just jumped right into it. Loved it. And so is it crazy how when you start doing what your purpose for and like your, you realize it's a passion, But once you really start on that path, how everything blossoms and it becomes so obvious like, shit. I knew I should have been doing this and then you realize that you have the natural skill set to, you know to pursue that.

24:06 I can relate because I had the same thing. It was in a personal communications. I had a little bit of human sexuality as a minor, but also it was journalism and I went into doing the adult thing and working in a corporate sales and life happened and then it was like here let me knock you upside the head because you're not doing what you're supposed to be doing is that's that's another empowering moment in your life when you realize that. So I commend you on that as well. I just have chills. If I yes, I would turn the camera on if I had makeup on to show you my chills.

24:44 But I do because I can can relate to that profusely. So go right in. Yeah. So it was it was right after then and I'm like, OK, I'm this is what I'm supposed to be doing and you know I I left school. I I. Went out to Lai, wanted to make a name for myself, so I I started doing that and then I started podcasting in 2019, just before the pandemic actually. So my original concept was hookup horror stories because I had a friend of mine came up to me at work one day. It was like, hey, do you want to do a podcast?

25:18 I have this this place they wouldn't want to record, they have a concept blah, blah blah. So I just was like, yeah, this, this. So it just came out of. A very natural occurrence, and my original cohost for it was actually a virgin. I didn't know that when I invited her, so no input. Whatsoever. Yeah, it was so funny. It was on top of the show, a bra petting like there's the. Wow, so it was funny. So like I I we recorded one episode. It turned out to be a total scam, so we didn't follow through. And also, I think I might have scared her a little bit with my horror stories to the I'm still a virgin to this day.

25:59 She's like, I'm never having sex again, like forever. But you know it was it was learning experience. And I think from there I I again kind of shelved that. I started working on other other projects. I had two podcasts between then and then the now iteration of hook up horror stories. But I I just started writing more, and I started writing about my personal experiences. That became The Deviant Diaries. That'll eventually be some sort of memoir one day. But then I also like what what would a modern sex Ed book look like?

26:40 And that's kind of where the concept for A Deviants Guide to Sex came from. And that was. I mean, I'll go into like all kinds of different topics. Like I just did one on heartbreak, like how to deal with heartbreak, what you need to know about this. But then my next one I'm working on is about foreplay. And so it's everything's sex and dating related, you know, interpersonal relationships. There is going to be a hygiene in there and also like Kingston Taboos, all kinds of like fun stuff that I have planned.

27:07 But yeah, I just basically came from the whole concept of. How can I, number one, take my experiences and turn it into something that could be educational and also enlightening for other people?

27:24 Thank you for joining us on Soulmates and Swingers. We hope that you enjoyed yourself just as much as we did. Please don't miss our next. Play date. It just wouldn't be the same without you. Until next time, be passionate, Be in the moment. Be bold. Be loving. Be the best version of me 11/9. Hey, this is Mondo. Thanks for joining us this week. We want Soulmates and Swingers. If you have any questions or any topics that you want us to cover, you can reach us at 12IN NSATIV [email protected] and also on Twitter at 12.

28:15 I NNSATIVA, make sure you like, follow, subscribe, comment, hit all the buttons you can except for the delete button and we'll see you next week.