Soulmates&Swingers #Podcast with Carrie Jerslow PT 4

0:07 It's the sex and lifestyle podcast that you didn't know you needed. This is the Swinging Soul Mates Podcast with your host, Mondo and sativa. Please relax, unwind, and come play with us and our guest cohost. As we candidly share our personal experiences and erotic escapades in the lifestyle motivated by passion and purpose, our goal is to create a community that allows themselves to be educated and entertained through the tales of the swinging zones. Mondo and Sativa are not medical professionals, yet we are a happily married couple of 19 years and in the LS for 10.

0:51 We have a deep, unwavering commitment to our marriage and to holding a space in normalizing and redefining the concept of relationships and monogamy. The Swinging Soul Mates strives to be a resource and inspiration to others. So subscribe, put a reoccurring play date on your calendar, and come along with us as we journey deep into our lives as swinging soul mates.

1:26 Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Supremes. Like Supremes and stuff. Now he loves Jennifer Holiday. And I'm telling you, yeah, Charlie Wilson, he like, loves Isley Brothers. Yeah, he's just so he's just, he's just it's an old soul and he talks like an old man, but. It is, yeah. Oh, not TV shows. Or he goes, I miss my program and I'm like, Oh my gosh. You stop like that. Like, well, this is a probably a different podcast, but I mean, I I wrote a chapter in in a international bestselling book called The New Paradigm of Education and my chapter was all about the new, the new beings like the new high.

2:16 I don't know if you've ever heard of Indigos. Crystals, rainbows, these are these these kinds of spirits that are taking bodies and they are very high vibrational. They come in, you know, saying like this is who I am, like it or not. Whereas you know, people kind of from our generations, I was born in 1970, people from our generation was like, you know, I. I kind of think I know who I am, but I'm a million and I'm such an empath that I could be pulled over here. And I, you know, it's like that the kids these days.

2:55 And I see it energetically and I see it through my kids and I see what the kind of enlightened children are bringing into the world in terms of fluidity, like fluidity sexually, identification wise. I mean, you know, most of the kids in. My kids, school, they they identify all on the spectrum of like pansexual, bisexual, you know, lesbian, like my nine year, my 9 year olds like mom, two of my friends are lesbians and I'm like awesome, great. You know, it's just like everything is fluid, everything.

3:31 Is knowing who they are they very well I think. Of course they have growth because who we are as humans and our brain grows and everything but. I do feel like they have a grasp on who they are. Our 11 year old is the one in the house that will keep you PC as the MFOK and we're not an UN PC family. But he's always like this is what you especially, I'll say to my motherinlaw, she's 70 plus she'll still say stuff like the Orientals and he's like grandma. That is not correct. You know, he's just very, very aware and I think it's just it they do.

4:06 I think they're born. I think they come into this universe with that knowledge already. It's not such a blank slate as we've always were taught and believed with babies. Do you look at some of these babies are you listen to them Babble that you're cussing you out. They are telling you about the like they this and it's it's something that I think is is blessed into this newer generation for purpose of saving the society. Yeah, but also, I think it's just the way, like I said, the universe is just already has shit planned out and it's like you guys think you have it figured out, but you don't let me let you know who's really still in control.

4:45 I'm going to go ahead and start blessing you with these human beings that are going to be able to make that change, I think. Yeah. And I say that to my kids all the time. Like, you give me help, and I think that they come in with this idea of humanity, you know? It's not like me against you. It's not like, you know? I'm an American and you're French or whatever. It's like we are humanity. We are humanity let's care about. People, People. Humans. And across the planet, I have no idea who you are, but still care.

5:19 Yeah, yeah, and yes. They need to learn how to be. In a body, that's for sure. My oldest you know was seeing spirits from the time he was very young and he doesn't remember it as much now. But he would tell me because we live in a century old building and he would be like, oh, there's that being over there and that one scares me and that one seems nice and but at the same time he he needed to learn how to be in a body and how to also live in society. So I would always just say a prayer and intention like help me to.

5:53 Keep his spirit alive while also teaching him how to be in the world, you know, without dimming his spirit and his light. And it was so hard. It was so hard. But I knew I agreed to it on some level and he agreed to it. And he chose me to be his mom and I, you know, and and I took that with as much, you know, grace and humility as possible. Because their death is really, really hard. This time is hard.

6:25 They are. And I'll say this as well, and I'll say this, kids can be assholes sometimes too. And then yeah, so as a human being, you don't want to deal with people that are assholes or that are temperamental or what not. But it's a lesson for us in the the chapter that we're in, in our lives, at the part of the journey, which is being a parent. Like you have to be very conscious and aware they are, but like you said, it's. We can, we can have this conversation once again because you're definitely coming on my other podcast, but I I saw a good segue where you know a lot of our men listeners, if you're still listening, kudos.

7:01 But let's get back to the things that they're probably like, well, I want to hear about, but you mentioned in fluidity and you know and just the different I think the the the natural evolution of growth of sexuality. So I can't want to ask a question about. How do you feel about what people say or alternative lifestyle? So polyamory. Well, monogamy is not alternative but monogamy or you know, being in a swinger relationship or? And what's soloamory that was? Yeah, Soloamory, I define as as choosing the number one relationship is with myself and that is always going to come before any other relationship.

7:49 That I have. And when I talk about diversity, I talk about diversity in terms of like structure. But I also talk about in terms of timing, because there were times in my 20s where I wanted to be single. I loved my single life. I never wanted. I didn't want to be in a relationship. Then there were times when I want a monogamy because I was, you know, in the early days when I was raising. When we were raising the children, we needed that safe container and it was so chaotic, so crazy that to invite something else or someone else in the relationship was just like I could.

8:26 I wouldn't be able to to handle it. And you know, my biggest message is like knowing yourself to know what relationship structure. Is going to work for you, but also designing your own relationship. So I may be in a monogamous relationship, but I want to have other intimate relationships that maybe don't involve sex. And that works for my family. That works for my family. So as long as I talk with my partner about it and say like, hey, I agree that I want to have an intimate relationship with this other person in terms of the heart, but I'm okay with it not being sexual.

9:08 How does that feel to you? And he's like. Okay. That feels good. Or yeah, But I want to have a sexual relationship with this person over here. You know, to, to talk about. It always comes down to communication, right? But like to to discuss and to know what it is that I want and why I want it. So my husband and I had talked about opening our relationship. I mean, I came into the relationship with him from an open relationship, and we had talked about it for years and years and years and years and years.

9:38 And finally, it was like the kids were at an age where I felt I could handle it. And then someone walked into my life and I was like, oh, OK. So I feel like I have the bandwidth for it and I have someone I'm interested in and checking in with him before I ever checked in with the other person. And you know that it's a whole it. It took really openhearted communication and. Dealing with my own fears. You know which jealousy, I guess I I talk about jealousy being a surface emotion. Because there's always something.

10:16 Underneath it, that is really jealous about fear for me. For me, what I found that the jealousy was, was about me feeling like I need. I wanted to feel special like I wanted to. I feel special and that went all the way back to my childhood, all the way back to my childhood. So I got to heal that wound within me because I'm committed to healing the stuff within me. But I think that there's what I what I what I love about what's happening is, you know there's been a lots of research lately on. Ethical nominogamy and there's a 25% of this poll, this you Gov poll that interviewed like 23,000 Americans, 25% said that they either wanted to were interested in or have been in a ethical nominogamist relationship.

11:11 And then another one that said like one in six people, I think we're either in or interested in a polyamorous relationship. I mean this is because. We are allowing ourselves to think out of these boxes that we've been put into that have said this is how you are supposed to be in relationship. You know, it's like that thing of your relationship is successful if you've been married for 50 years. But I'll tell you, I know couples that have been married for 50 years who are freaking miserable. Miserable.

11:44 Miserable, right? Yeah, And we have to really, you know, hearken back to. The fact that we're physiological and biological beings and that this was something that was happening before any of us were thought of, that was a normal way of living. And so we evolved, but we don't we haven't evolved that much from that period of time and and you know, in existence. And so I think that's something that's deeply rooted in us. I know when we started doing our research and that's a good place to start admitting that there's that.

12:20 Interest or that those questions about it, you know that need to want to find out more. That's a good place to start because when you was a couple, when you're able to do that research together, then that's when you're able to define or design your relationship and how it's going to work best for you. I know a lot of things that we found positive about it was, hey that's a possible additional income. Our kids need that much then. But good Lord, I would love to have a third income to feed these freaking endless trash compactors now, you know?

12:55 Or just have the ability to have a third person that maybe can be objective and fix a problem that maybe we're having within our relationship, you know, having another, you know, sounding board. Yeah, yeah. Everyone, I. Talk to or something like that. Yeah. And everyone does it differently. Like we we still have a very solid, strong container of our family unit and our children. You know, I've just met our other partners. They don't live with us. And it's just what works for us, you know, and and and there are some people that monogamy works for.

13:37 But here's an interesting statistic, I will say that was shocking to me. I read somewhere and I wish I had this. The actual article but like 65% of relationships are non monogamous, but a much smaller percentage of the 65% are ethical and sensual. That's what I was going to say. A whole lot of affairs going on. Yes, I mean there's a whole niche on in content creating and you know YouTube where it's about catching cheaters. I mean based off look we still watch old school cheaters episodes, we found them on YouTube and we were like.

14:13 In college, this was, this took a different, you know, it was entertainment. It was like, who's going to get caught? We used to tell one of our very best friends, his returning brother, like you're going to be on cheaters because he was, you know, a college young man, let's just say. But now I look at it and I go, instead of saying, what did I not give him? Because a lot of times it is, you know, the the cheater is coming out saying there's something sexually you weren't giving me. Or the attention's not there.

14:43 So if those needs are being met or like the desires or the trauma that comes along with why you feel that way. If that's discovered and met, which comes through the self, you know the self love, the self acknowledgement, getting to know oneself that leads into your relationship. And then as a relationship and as a couple, you guys are able to identify, hey, I do have the interest because I am sexually attracted to this person. And then you go, well, shit, I am too. And then maybe you realize, well, it's kind of hot to see you with somebody else or whatever maybe.

15:17 And then you're able, like I said, to live truthfully, you know, have that need, which I think is embedded in people, individual in our psyches and who we are as human beings. Like I said, biologically and physiologically you're able to meet that desire but then enhance your relationship, you know, if it goes that way for you, if, if. If there's that interest and if you're meant to be in it, so it's it's not too surprising to me that that statistic is where it is. Because it's, you know, certain amount of people that admit to it, but more than half of those people are not doing it in a way that your partner would respect or that keeps your relationship and your marriage and your relationship as a priority or respect that you know that union.

16:05 When? One person wants or agrees with one type of relationship. Another person has a different mindset of a relationship that are in. If both people are honest with each other about what they want, even if it changes, then things just work out better in my opinion. I mean, he identified it to me way before I did. He's like, I think that, you know, you would have a great relationship with the woman. And he's like, of course for him physically. That's what he was excited about. He's like, but I think that because of the type of person you are, you are very loyal person in a relationship.

16:43 You respect and you love other people very easily. And if we found somebody you know that you feel like they would be your lobster, and using a friend's term, you know, another lobster for you, then you don't remember that's their lobster. How dare you not remember that episode? We'll talk about that later. Phoebe. Phoebe was. Frizz, I thought you said a friends, friends, friends. I'm sorry I had to do their quote friends. So anyway, somebody else. Yes, somebody else that I could feel just completely myself with and honest and comfortable with.

17:26 And I was like, no, not even he saw that in me before I came to the realization myself. Which is something powerful because that that lets you know that's a level of intimacy and as that is rooted in respect, but then also the fact that your partner knows you so well and it's taking that time to know you so well. And it wasn't it didn't come from a place of because I tell people that story and they go, oh, it was all for him. It was selfish. So like he just wanted and I said no it wasn't that way at all.

17:57 But because our girlfriend, her and I built a friendship. And an attraction to each other. Way before he like, got into the conversation in the situation, he was aware of her, but she came into it. As I'm attracted to you first, I respect you first. You're in a marriage, you're the wife. Like I start with you, which was another way that you know and another example of how he feels or he said that he feels like we had a familiar soul mate because she right away. I never mentioned that to her. I never said it.

18:30 In our conversations that were starting, like I never even mentioned that you would have to create a relationship with me first prior to that, like that was a requirement. She knew it right off the bat. Couple that we had actual some type of relationship with not just a play time thing. I've never done anything that was for me or in terms of. I'm hit on the side or just trying to get my like, it's never been like that. It's always been about everyone just being happy in my. And we've always before the term, and we were familiar with it, which we became familiar with the ethical nonmonography during a nonmonogamy on my second michelada, sorry, during COVID, right before we started the podcast and we realized we were like, oh, well, we're already doing that.

19:30 Like what other way is there to do it? Like it should be, you know? If there's not going to be, it should be. Ethically, it should be based on what works for you, and that's based on your own ethics. It's based on the world. Or, you know, Yeah, exactly. And this is what I love about what you're saying, is that you started communicating with each other and sharing who you are. And what you know that in those intimate feelings you communicated it. And I think that communication, we hear it all the time, is like, so necessary.

20:08 It is such a necessary skill, and not only communication, but like effective communication and intimate communication and a way to show up being vulnerable and listening and receiving what the other person is saying, then processing it within yourself. To then respond like you have that, and I think there's so many couples who, there's so many people in the world who have never learned how to communicate. This is one of, to me, the most scary part about the kind of technological that we're in and why it's imperative that I teach my kids how to communicate.

20:45 Because communication is a skill and an art and we should be educated on how to communicate. From a place of expressing our needs and our feelings instead of blaming and shaming another person, I just did this podcast episode that just posted called You Can't Expect Your partner to be a mind reader So many because they're scared. Because they're scared to talk and be vulnerable that they passive aggressively say like like you know if. If. Even if like someone came and said I I would, I'm interested in opening up, opening up our marriage.

21:23 What do you think about that? And the words were like the words that come out are like, yes, OK, I'll talk about it but the actions are like something. You'll never get anywhere with that but if you can actually express what I am really nervous about this affecting. Our relationship, our dynamic. I feel like you're saying to me that I'm not able to fulfill you in certain ways. And all the conversations that come up when anyone brings this kind of thing, this topic up, that that those conversations can't be had unless you learn how to communicate your thoughts and feelings.

22:04 Not from a place of you make me feel that way. Feel this way and I want to understand it. And I'm having like a nervous system, especially like if people have been in a long term monogamous relationship and they felt and I'm doing air quotes safe, you know, that to be, you know kind of pushed out of that safety zone, which I think is an illusion anyway. But to be pushed out of that safety zone just brings up all kinds of. Coding and triggering and trauma of not feeling safe and you and it's important to be able to communicate that.

22:43 To not, yeah. And then also understand that it comes from, like you said, past stuff, but it also comes from current societal pressure, you know, and it. Everybody's relationship and marriage is different. You guys have no idea what somebody does when they close their bedroom doors. None. Unless they want you to know, you know? I'd be hitting the applause button right there.

23:18 Yes, because because here's The thing is, someone will judge me or someone who has an alternative relationship structure yet. They're going back and watching porn without their wife knowing because they're not feeling fulfilled and can't communicate that with their wife. Or they go flirt with the waitress at the restaurant saying inappropriate things, but it's because they can't communicate yet what I'm doing is wrong, you know what I mean? It's like you just don't know what people. Living at and it's like living at my truth and it's.

23:51 Like I know for us, and I've said this before on our our episodes, it's enhanced what was already amazing, but it it also not only answers our marriage and our intimate relationships, it allows me to meet you once you do it, once you're in a relationship, once you're in the community, let's say, you then start to find other people and you be and you realize that it's a lot more common than you thought.

24:21 Yes. And those people are business owners or I mean, we know somebody that's a pastor, you know, there's psycho. Not psycho. What is he? Physicist. I don't know why I thought of psycho. Physicist. There are. You know, I'm just saying he's a really good friend. He's going to be like, what the fuck do you mean, psycho? But there's this people, there's teachers, there's, you know, it's people of all different. Walks of life who you know when we're all together or we you know we cross paths. We're just those individuals that are happy within the environment that we're in and the relationships that you have and and that you know environment and that community and it's it's very empowering as a woman and the older that I get to be able to understand what I'm comfortable with and being able to voice that.

25:20 I'm not a very I'm very rarely at my a loss for words. But you know, there's this idea about women being sexual and talking about sex and the and the you know, the the over wide societal view that makes me a hoe or makes me loose to whatever else that probably made me, you know, limit my. Sexual side and and communicate that now I am all out with it, you know, and I'm the type of person that I'll look at a couple and be like. I wonder if they're having good sex. And I don't think that they are. And I get into conversations with people that I've known for five or 10 minutes that they're suddenly telling me and this is unwarranted.

26:10 That's without me telling them anything about our lifestyle or anything. But they end up telling me some facet that gives me like a just a little. I'm able to shine a light and go, that's what it is. This is what they're they're, I want to say where they're not flowing freely in their life like this is their, you know, the the plug that's stopping them from really truly living, you know, something happy. And it usually has to deal with sexuality or somewhere around that. So it's very important. Sexual.

26:42 I think sexual wounding is the biggest. Human wound that we have the biggest trauma that we're wanting to heal, I think because we're here's how I look at it from a spiritual perspective is that as a spirit, you know we are without body, OK, but we come into the body and one of the highest expressions of the body is pleasure. And is, you know, pleasure of all the senses. Which is why we have pleasure zones and and things like that, yeah. Yes, we come into the body to feel and express pleasure and so and what.

27:26 But we're so wounded by and I think it's a control thing, right? It's like if we because when you're in your sexual body, right when you're in your sexual expression. You're fucking powerful. You're like, ooh, I am this divine feminine who is in charge of my own pleasure and my own expression of this. Like, I mean, anyone who's had Kundalini go up and down their spine is like, you know, my Kundalini was awakened a few years ago and it is some of the most powerful, powerfully creative energy that is inherent.

28:07 But so, so a lot of the, like sexual wounding comes from power over that energy because it's like you can move mountains.

28:19 So Kundalini is this, It's like a energetic, so it's an invisible energy that sits at the base of your spine and it kind of like coils up your spine. And it's it's in the use of tantric, tantric yo, tantric sex. Conscious sex conscious lovemaking and and it is the kind of a a kundalini full body energetic orgasm is very different than a body orgasm but I will tell you like it is so intoxicating because it it like it engulfs your entire sphere and entire being and you don't have to be in the same room with the person.

29:04 To have that activated so it's like you know, time and space goes away and so it's like not only it can be with another person but it also can be very much on your own. And that's another thing about self-care, self pleasuring, Self pleasuring is so important to know.

29:30 Thank you for joining us on Soul Maintenance. We hope that you enjoyed yourself just as much as we did. Please don't miss our next play date. It just wouldn't be the same without you. Until next time, be passionate. Be in the moment. Be bold. Be loving. Be the best version of me. Love at night. Hey, this is Mondo. Thanks for joining us this week, Soul mates and swingers, if you have any questions. Or any topics that you want us to cover. You can reach us at 12IN NSATIV [email protected] and also on Twitter AT12IN NSATIVA.

30:22 Make sure you like, follow, subscribe comment. Hit all the bunch you can except for the delete button and we'll see next.